Sportsocracy - 25th edition - Volcanos, clubs say travel no-nos but uefa say go-go

BOOOM.....KERRRASH....KERPLOW...INSERT CLICHE VOLCANIC SOUND...

"ARGGGGGH!" said one Icelandian as his vienetta started to melt due to a sufficient lava flow crashing through his log cabin kitchen.

Kerry Katona, ex-iceland food guzzler and serial breadcrumber, who was signing on at the time, was asked about the eruption, she said; "Ah avunt herd a slam lyyk that since ah last called Brian fer moore CSA moneh and he slammed phone doon on meh. Fat c***."

Nick Griffin, BNP archaeli failed to answer any questions in front of the camera. The goggle eyed anti christ allegedly released a press release stating :-

"Icelandic Volcanos? sounds like zee verk of zee jews. In addition I wear Y fronts and enjoy being oiled by hairy men. I have no further comments. Nein more questions...Heil Sommerville."

In sports news the volcanic swirling ash cloud from good old iceland (Yes they sell that now in packs of 6) was a volcanic pain in the arse halting all air travel meaning all the teams playing away that are left in European competitions had to make arduous journeys similar to that of Frodo in Lord of the rings.

Poor superstars eh? Travelling like the rest of us, oh no.

Do you think Gerrard and Torres got seats on the Virgin trains down to the eurostar? or did they sit on their luggage in the lay-by in between the carriages smelling the stale shit of the un-veiling toilet door everytime a seated person came out saying "Excuse me can I pass you please my croissant and coffee are waiting for me at my lovely table seat."

Of course they f***ing had seats. They make space for top level footballers and yet there are single mothers that I have witnessed who can't get a baby buggy on f***ing board due to overcrowding. We are a step away from the trains of the third world. Its only a matter of time before families are being balanced with picnics on their luggage sat surfing on the roof of a carriage singing come by yah. Thats right big corporate transport companies make sure the footballers travel comfortably while your main conned marks, us, the hardworking public, may as well be running behind the train in a flintstone car.

Branson it's a pickle and it's a worse pickle than a pair of cheesy socks left in very out of date piccalili for months on end.

Good luck football teams travelling that are playing in European competition I'm sure you will get there well on your gold plated train seats, your radio headphone connection and laptop wall sockets that actually work...

...swivel.

Sportsocracy - 3rd Edition - Unusual but memorable sporting moments

A memorable sporting moment is not generally about the outright winner, or winners who get all the gold, silver and trophies. For example it could be the underdog beating a proven winner in the 1st round of a competition or the unsuspected boxing knock out of a great fighter by an unknown brawler, or the "shock" out of nowhere victory that nobody saw coming. These magical moments can lie more in the memory than outright competition winners, but remember memorable sporting moments are not always necessarily the good ones.

The recent run of form in the FA Cup of non-league, giantkilling, side Havant and Waterlooville has been amazing if not astonishing. The giantkillers have Wiped clean and beat opposition from divisions above them and brought back the good days of the FA Cup when giantkillers used to stalk these rounds of the FA cup on a regularly basis thirsting for the top teams blood. This is how their impressive FA Cup run has happened and ended: -

29 - Sep 2007 2Q Bognor Regis 1-2 Havant & W
13 - Oct 2007 3Q Havant & W 2-1 Fleet Town
27 - Oct 2007 4Q Havant & W 3-0 Leighton T
10 - Nov 2007 R1 York City 0-1 Havant & W
01 - Dec 2007 R2 Notts Co 0-1 Havant & W
05 - Jan 2008 R3 Swansea 1-1 Havant & W
16 - Jan 2008 R3 Havant & W 4-2 Swansea

THE NEXT FA CUP OPPONENTS - Liverpool 5-2 Havant & W
A match in which Havant and waterlooville took the lead in twice. An amazing football acheivement which I will not forget and im pretty sure the fans and players of Havant and Waterlooville wont forget either.

If that is not a memorable sporting moment what is? Well here a few good examples of memorable sporting moments : -

Goran Ivanisevic - Wild Card entrant and well liked Tennis character wins Wimbledon.

Rene Higuita - The columbian legendary goalkeeper and once self proclaimed best goalkeeper on the planet performed a scorpion kick in a friendly against England. He took the word exhibition to heart when a cross come shot by Jamie Redknapp headed centrally goalwards, Rene decided not to catch it and he jumped into the air, timed his leap and like a seal dived forwards making his heels come up behind his head connecting brilliantly with the ball with his heels to send the ball away from the goal mouth. Remember Cameroons dancing celebration striker Roger Milla? Rene does. During the 1994 world cup Rene decided it was time to play sweeper and try and take on Roger Milla inside his own half of the pitch, Roger cooly stole the ball and ran and slotted into an open net and then dancing in celebration.

Recently has made a comeback at local club level at the age of 41, theres life in the legend yet.

Louis Hamilton - Finishes 2nd overall in his 1st Formula 1 season.

Celtic FC - Uefa Cup finalists 2003 against Porto. Knocked out of the champions league group stage and wrote off afterwards, but Celtic prevailed under Martin O'Neill and battled passed a number of solid teams including Stuttgart, Barcelona and Villareal to get to the prestigous all eyes on you stage of the UEFA cup final.

Liverpool FC - Champions league winners against AC Milan, which nobody saw that coming.

Paulo Di Canio - Sportsmanship, the opposing goalkeeper was injured which led to an open net off a cross, Paulo could have headed it in but caught the ball. Remembered also for pushing over a referee and scoring one of the most memeorable goals ever in the premiership a stunning in air scissor volley.

Rafael Nadal - Stops Tennis machine Roger Federer again on clay, not once but twice to remind Roger hes human afterall and that clay is Rogers kryptonite playing surface.

Aberdeen FC - Once memorable for the exploits of Alex Qualify for european competition in 2007/2008 and are still in european football right now.

Greece National Football Team - The current European champions, they won the title in 2004. The outsiders outsider as they called them, took the title as they beat a strong Portugal side that was and is still under the influence of top manager Luis Scolari and included stars Deco, Ronaldo, Paulo Sousa and Luis Figo. Greece's star player in the tournament was Angelos Charisteas, but all players in the greek side seemed over average and talented and deserved their European victory playing tough non-entertaining football under the management of Otto Rehhagel, who still resides with the Greek national team.

Senegal - National team tore apart France and many a side in 2002. With stars coming through such as Diouf, Kamara who made a names for themselves in the English Premier League. Again Diouf made himself more memorable again when he spat at a celtic fan in a uefa cup game against celtic.

Muller - Barnsley goalkeeper injured his knee badly in a league match for them inside the 2nd half of the match but continued until the end of the match keeping clean sheet, but at the cost of being out for the rest of the season with a knee injury.

Anybody who wants to add to the list feel free?
Comments are gladly accepted.