Sportsocracy - 25th edition - Volcanos, clubs say travel no-nos but uefa say go-go

BOOOM.....KERRRASH....KERPLOW...INSERT CLICHE VOLCANIC SOUND...

"ARGGGGGH!" said one Icelandian as his vienetta started to melt due to a sufficient lava flow crashing through his log cabin kitchen.

Kerry Katona, ex-iceland food guzzler and serial breadcrumber, who was signing on at the time, was asked about the eruption, she said; "Ah avunt herd a slam lyyk that since ah last called Brian fer moore CSA moneh and he slammed phone doon on meh. Fat c***."

Nick Griffin, BNP archaeli failed to answer any questions in front of the camera. The goggle eyed anti christ allegedly released a press release stating :-

"Icelandic Volcanos? sounds like zee verk of zee jews. In addition I wear Y fronts and enjoy being oiled by hairy men. I have no further comments. Nein more questions...Heil Sommerville."

In sports news the volcanic swirling ash cloud from good old iceland (Yes they sell that now in packs of 6) was a volcanic pain in the arse halting all air travel meaning all the teams playing away that are left in European competitions had to make arduous journeys similar to that of Frodo in Lord of the rings.

Poor superstars eh? Travelling like the rest of us, oh no.

Do you think Gerrard and Torres got seats on the Virgin trains down to the eurostar? or did they sit on their luggage in the lay-by in between the carriages smelling the stale shit of the un-veiling toilet door everytime a seated person came out saying "Excuse me can I pass you please my croissant and coffee are waiting for me at my lovely table seat."

Of course they f***ing had seats. They make space for top level footballers and yet there are single mothers that I have witnessed who can't get a baby buggy on f***ing board due to overcrowding. We are a step away from the trains of the third world. Its only a matter of time before families are being balanced with picnics on their luggage sat surfing on the roof of a carriage singing come by yah. Thats right big corporate transport companies make sure the footballers travel comfortably while your main conned marks, us, the hardworking public, may as well be running behind the train in a flintstone car.

Branson it's a pickle and it's a worse pickle than a pair of cheesy socks left in very out of date piccalili for months on end.

Good luck football teams travelling that are playing in European competition I'm sure you will get there well on your gold plated train seats, your radio headphone connection and laptop wall sockets that actually work...

...swivel.