Sportsocracy - 19th edition - Bendtner a load of Arsenal?

The last dane I saw who missed the spot was not in the big brother house recently with alex reid. It is Nicholas Bendtner who I am talking about, after he missed numerous chances against Burnley at the weekend, he must have felt like the niche market Pele was aiming at with his very memorable male genitalia dysfunction adverts.

He came back against Porto with a hatrick, who would have believed it, Gunners gaffer Arsene Wenger must have gave him some fire in his belly, or some verbal viagra to get him going again. Arsenal hammered Porto 5-0 and went through 6-1 on aggregate thanks to Bendtner, Eboue and co.

Just when Arsenal fans where starting to become frustrated with a front-line who have been constantly undermined by a mass goalscoring midfield, up pops the spikey haired party boy to give them something to cheer about but what has happened to Eduardo?. Ever since he took that "Trip" at Celtic park in the champions league qualifiers he has become some what invisible. With that quality under his belt maybe he has gone to audition for the next fantastic 4 movie? Who knows?.

So it is Arsenal through and Bayern Munich through as the German giants went through on away goals against Fiorentina. Its the quarter finals that now await the two sides.

The 'biggie', Hollywood encounter in the champions league is Man United versus AC Milan. Beckham returns to Old Trafford for a competitive match for the first time since he left. Its good that Posh lets him out to play football now and again but he does have to leave when he is called in by Posh for his tea though.

I forgot to mention Tiger Woods apology to us and the world media as well. You would have thought with Mr Verile spreading it around a bit they would took a punt on asking him if hes interested in impregnanting a panda or two. Would have been worth a punt because I'm sure the pandas are getting sick of Dean Gaffney being thrown in with them. The Gaffs face is enough to put anybody off the 'jumping' for life.

The Formula 1 season is nigh. With Schumacher, Button, Hamilton and Alonso all racing it out to be the world champion, with racing in mind, recently racing legend Stirling Moss had an accident when he fell down a shaft, first Max Mosely, now this. Poor Stirling broke both ankles so we wish him 'well'.

...and finally ending with the Rugby news.

It's still shit.

See you next time for another spacious spatula full of sportive shittery. Ciao.

Sportsocracy - 16th edition - It's back, what did I miss.

Yes finally it is back. Sportsocracy is here again, like a phoenix from the flames it returns, ok you get the picture.

Time goes fast, things change, so what have I missed reporting on? Here is a selection of events I missed witting about -

Tiger Woods winning lots of golf open events etc, typical I know but then allegedly acting like Glen Quagmire with a few females whilst touring the globe to numerous open courses, not good (if he did), but all the same he's a great golfer and he goes on polishing his balls for skins match ups, giggity.

Andy Murray, winning lots of tennis matches, a top 3 world ranking but still no grand slam. Andy allegedly said; "I've had lots of grand slams." but when asked "We mean In tennis Andy?" he replied "Umm ah no, I thought you meant with Edinburgh women".

Wayne Rooney, so far has scored 21 league goals this season for Man United, if we totalled it up for all competitions do you think he would add 1 on his tally for the recent birth of his son, because it's obvious he scored at some point 9 months previous to that. At the birth when the doctor said the baby is breaching, do you think wayne asked "Ee-ah laah is that something to do with the offside rule?"

Adrian Mutu was also reported in the media that he was in the turmoil of another drugs scandal. Poor Adrian, great footballer, has previous associations with drugs and got a hefty 8 figure fine you would have thought he would have learned his lesson, but according to the media, the bastians of worldly truth, he has allegedly done drugs again. Well What do you expect if you give someone an estimated £15million pound fine, its either get pissed or get high for a few hours for the escapism factor. Good luck Adrian.

Phil Taylor won lots of darts events including the PDC world championship. John Higgins became world snooker champion again, hail hail John. Barca won the champions league. Celtic signed Robbie Keane, what a coup.

The world cup qualifiers went well, really, really well. FIFA changed the rules to favour the seeded teams halfway through qualification. Then contradicted their own fair play rules. France vs Ireland + Thierry Henry handballing = a tainted, cheating victory, that FIFA frowned upon but didn't do anything about because of marketing purposes, because probably to them a world cup without France would but universally affecting. I personally do not believe the aftermath was all covered up conspiracy like, *COUGH* french golden boy Platini high up in UEFA*COUGH*, gone a little cheval, ironically, does anyone have any benelin?

So Sportsocracy is back, outrageous, shocking, informative and the rest. Until next time, keep sporting and look out for number 17 coming soon.

Sportsocracy - 6th Edition - Underdog shocking the tennis world and a mixed bag of sports content.

What a week this has been. Kicking off with Tennis of all sports. I am not a massive Tennis fan but when it comes to upsets I cannot refuse but to take note. Rodger Federer, the winning machine, who has won literally everything mens singles Tennis has to offer, went crashing out of yet another tournament.

The Pacific Life Open in Indian Wells was centre stage as un-seeded American, Mardy Fish, shook the Tennis world as he beat the world number one in straight sets with Fish disposing of Federer inside 70 minutes.

Fish who sits 97 places below the world number 1 in the ATP Rankings comfortably won the 22nd of March semi final clash with a 6-2, 6-3 victory. The only thing is Fish went onto face third seed Novak Djokovic in the final, and Djokovic beat the American in 2 sets to 1. (6-2, 5-7, 6-3)

All I can say well done to Mardy Fish. Now thats something to tell the grand children about. The question I ask to you all is the Fed express running out of steam? Is Rodger Federer in the middle of a career crisis? Or is this the calming before the storm, the press said Federer has been suffering with Illness will there be a Federer backlash?.

Well all the best to a Federer recovery, but Mardys win will go down in history as a major upset and just for the record, Mardy Fish faced 5 top seeds and disposed of them before facing Djokovic, now thats impressive.

In other sporting territories, Football, Liverpool got hammered 3-0 by Manchester United which saw Liverpool midfielder, Javier Mascherano sent of for questioning the referee, Steve Bennett. Bennett gave Javier his second yellow and a very angry Mascherano was given his marching orders.

The Man United goals coming from a Wes Brown header, a Ronaldo Header with questionable goalkeeping from Reina but a good finish for the third goal from Nani sealed the 3 points for Fergies side.

The match was not the greatest for Liverpool goalkeeper Jose "Pepe" Reina whos goalkeeping was considerably pinpointed in the match as two of the Man United goals seemed to be via his mistakes. Pepe is a talented goakeeper and i'm sure he will be back with a few clean sheets before the end of the season.

Finally I can congratulate Newcastle United, who served up a Craven Cottage roast with a solid 2-0 victory over Fulham. The goals coming from a text book Viduka turn and right footed shot and the second coming from an even more aspirational finish from Captain Michael Owen, slotting home and wrapping up Kevin Keegans first 3 points in his short reign.

Newcastle now sit at 13th in the premiership table. Come on the Toon and dare I say it they are too good and too big to go down, lets hope this is a fight back from the Magpies. What views do you Toons fans have on this? Do you think relegation is possible for Newcastle?

And finally -

Golf - Australia's Geoff Ogilvy held his nerve to win the WGC-CA Championship in Miami by one stroke, bringing Tiger Woods's remarkable winning streak to an end. (from bbc website)

Olympics - The Olympic torch has been lit at a ceremony in Greece that was briefly disrupted by pro-Tibet activists. Protesters from media rights group Reporters Without Borders broke through the cordon of 1,000 police officers in Olympia as China's envoy spoke. (from bbc website)

Signing off with some USA sport news and the biggest sports story in the USA right now regards Major League Baseball star, Barry Bonds.

The big man who hits a ton under the influence and without? Is struggling to find a team, and with two weeks remaining until the new Major League Baseball season kicks off will a team coming running to the 43 year old for his assistance?

Bonds, who was a record breaker when he beat legendary hitter Hank Aaron's home run record was gradually shouted down by fans and the American sports world, who all claimed foul play that Bonds took performance enhancing drugs and was under the influence throughout his career.

Should this guy even deserve another shot in the Major League? Are drugs ruining all sports not just Baseball?

Your opinion is vital, give up your opinion on anything said in todays edition and I will reply to as many as possible. Voice your views.