Sportsocracy - 21st edition - Heel not make it.

Wim, wam, bam and it is all over for Beckham.

That's it, capoot and for those of you who have been living in caves playing with your handycam, having fractioned thoughts of jihad or in the bushes at clapham common waiting for a very questionably leather clad affeminate male to approach you, i am on about David Beckham and the injury that has put him out of the world cup this summer.

Like a very curly haired man once said (for a band named after a very large betamax video player the size of a truck) Toploader, "Dancing in the moonlight everybodies feelin' warm and bright." In this case that has got f*** all to do with this, cos Becks wont be dancing for a long while, it's the other song that is out right appropriate, "My achilles heel...".

Yep Becks has knackered his achilles. Was it only me who thought any bird with her legs open was Becks achilles heel? If thats the case every time the Beckhams visit chester zoo, the night before they arrive, the Ornathalogical section is locked up by the staff like f***ing fort knox in the case scenario that Becks has the horn.

In all fairness he is a decent player, never a world class all rounder but has a world class delivery. It is time he let the raw talent take the england right midfield roll. He should retire and focus on something he may be good at like horse whispering, well hes had enough practise with posh. His next step should be to tame madonna because that one is a wild, harridon of a stray if he saddles that and whips its ass I think he would deserve a knighthood. Beckham the horse whisperer, i'm telling you neigh lies its the tr-hoof he would be great at it.

Sportsocracy - 19th edition - Bendtner a load of Arsenal?

The last dane I saw who missed the spot was not in the big brother house recently with alex reid. It is Nicholas Bendtner who I am talking about, after he missed numerous chances against Burnley at the weekend, he must have felt like the niche market Pele was aiming at with his very memorable male genitalia dysfunction adverts.

He came back against Porto with a hatrick, who would have believed it, Gunners gaffer Arsene Wenger must have gave him some fire in his belly, or some verbal viagra to get him going again. Arsenal hammered Porto 5-0 and went through 6-1 on aggregate thanks to Bendtner, Eboue and co.

Just when Arsenal fans where starting to become frustrated with a front-line who have been constantly undermined by a mass goalscoring midfield, up pops the spikey haired party boy to give them something to cheer about but what has happened to Eduardo?. Ever since he took that "Trip" at Celtic park in the champions league qualifiers he has become some what invisible. With that quality under his belt maybe he has gone to audition for the next fantastic 4 movie? Who knows?.

So it is Arsenal through and Bayern Munich through as the German giants went through on away goals against Fiorentina. Its the quarter finals that now await the two sides.

The 'biggie', Hollywood encounter in the champions league is Man United versus AC Milan. Beckham returns to Old Trafford for a competitive match for the first time since he left. Its good that Posh lets him out to play football now and again but he does have to leave when he is called in by Posh for his tea though.

I forgot to mention Tiger Woods apology to us and the world media as well. You would have thought with Mr Verile spreading it around a bit they would took a punt on asking him if hes interested in impregnanting a panda or two. Would have been worth a punt because I'm sure the pandas are getting sick of Dean Gaffney being thrown in with them. The Gaffs face is enough to put anybody off the 'jumping' for life.

The Formula 1 season is nigh. With Schumacher, Button, Hamilton and Alonso all racing it out to be the world champion, with racing in mind, recently racing legend Stirling Moss had an accident when he fell down a shaft, first Max Mosely, now this. Poor Stirling broke both ankles so we wish him 'well'.

...and finally ending with the Rugby news.

It's still shit.

See you next time for another spacious spatula full of sportive shittery. Ciao.

Sportsocracy 5th Edition - Crazed Sports Stars

On a day where David Beckham was called up to the England squad and concurring with the fact this could be his 100th international cap, the mr nice role model for the kids has not always been nicey, nicey.

On many occasions, so less few than Vinnie Jones but still, David Beckham has lashed out at opponents and took the bait and has been also sent off. The quiet cockney lad, who in interviews is very soft spoken and also a well mannered charity fund raising person off the pitch, can be a completely different character on the pitch.

Remember his lash out at Diego Simeone at the 1998 world cup, the most well known of his crazy moments. Even though he has this wild side to him he is also a good footballer and I respect what he does for kids charities.

This made me think and I pondered the question do all sports stars have this crazy side to them?. Not just footballers can have these moments. John McEnroe, tennis legend, and in my eyes one of the best ever, he had a brilliantly wild side to him, he was possibly the most fiery determined tennis player I have ever watched.

He would shout down umpires decisions regularly, so often that the media penned "You cannot be serious?" as his catchphrase as he used it that often when arguing over, more than probably, a bad line call. He had brilliant rivalries with Jimmy Connors and Bjorn Borg which brought out the best in McEnroe, and made brilliant TV.

McEnroe was definitely one of the most feared characters on a tennis court in his playing days, superb skill and a mixture of his extroverted on court actions made him thrilling to watch and a nightmare to Umpire.

Michael Schumacher arguably one of the greatest Formula 1 drivers to ever grace this planet, was a great competitor, but he had a crazy side to him. Take this from Michaels website - http://www.mschumacher.com/schumacher-crashes.html

In Adelaide 1994, the most talked about incident in modern Motor racing is the 1994 championship deciding collision between Michael Schumacher and Damon Hill at Adelaide, which was then reiterated in 1997 when Michael and Jacques Villeneuve had a collision in Jerez.

Firstly lets analyse the collision in 1994 between Hill and Schumacher. Schue made a mistake and ran wide leaving a chance for Hill to pass. Hill being a racer and seeing his chance to pass, which would give him the lead meaning he would win the championship as long as he could hold out Schumacher until the end of the race. A relatively easy feat as he had an (arguably) faster car, and it is nearly impossible to overtake in formula one today. Schumacher being a racer to did not want to relinquish his position, as he knew Hill having the (arguably) faster car would pull away and his chances for the championship would disappear off into the distance with him. So Schumacher tried to shut the door.
Make your own mind up, purpose or not, some said Schumacher lost the plot and his determination and overall ultra competitive side put him on the edge and the above just happened.

This pushes the phrase "Some people will do anything to win", does that mean even take out your opponent by putting your race position and possibly your life at danger? who knows what was running through Schumi's head at that point, all I know is his record speaks for itself in his prime he was the definition for the consumate world class racing driver.

These are just a few of many wild sports characters antics. Do any spring to mind to you? Voice your opinion, do you think all sports stars have this crazy gene which shows itself every so often? Lets have your view.