Sportsocracy - 28th edition - It's the final countdown diddle doo doo, diddle dee dee dee

To kick off on a small downer Gary Coleman is dead R.I.P to him.

I heard after a re-assessment into Colemans death by coroners they all came to the same conclusion.....he died of a dif'rent stroke.

God bless Coleman, for now we will never know what Willis was talkin' bowt.

From Coleman to goals man. The world cup is round the corner, it's so close you can taste it.

On friday the 11th of June at 3pm, as South Africa kick off against Mexico in J-burg, remember those South Africans removed, without notice, from their houses for the stadium to be built.

Thats right, poor souls removed from their metal corrigated huts and homes. Not much to us but it was home to them.

These souls have been moved to the outskirts of the city. To the hillside that looks down towards the stadium, so the tourists won't see the real problems that the world cup has caused. Forced homeless-ness and poverty.

No running water, no toilets, no real source of food and barely a roof over their heads. It's a dire situation that people should know about.

Bafana, bafana the crowd will shout teams will score they'll jump about but remember the forced-to-be-homeless souls of South Africa with a world of doubt.

Sportsocracy - 27th edition - Oguchi on the cheap

My lord our father, allah, buddah, larsson and all the other super gods, I give you shocking news that will quiver your dear little bones.

Footballers.....have morals.....and values.

If the other primadonnas snarl and spit at that last sentence well they can go and choke on their diamond encrusted cheerios and drown in their dodos milk.

Well they can blame Oguchi Onyewu. No it's not the cheap, copycat gucci, piss smell perfume, available from all great pound shops.

Oguchi Onyewu is an american internationalist centre back, who plays for AC Milan. The thing is he signed for them early before last season and not long after he picked up a serious injury that ruled him out for the whole of last season.

Poor bastard, not so poor he was getting paid full wages whilst he was injured, but unlike alot of footballers would be, Oguchi wasn't happy about this.

Now fit he has renewed the details in his contract, to state for the season 2010 to 2011 he will receive no wages at all. He has done this to show gratitude to the fans and club, as they did with him whilst injured.

All I can say is what a great guy he is. A true sportsman, doing it for the honest love he has for the game.

So J 'T'on of cash, 'Rob'inho, Ronaldoh, Cashley Cole, Michael Owe'n money to the bookies, Wained Ruiney and all other footballing money grabbing charlatons take note from Mr...no fuck mr.....Sir Oguchi Onyewu. A consummate footballing professional of the highest degree. Instant legend.

Sportsocracy - 26th edition - The league season ends....THE WORLD CUP IS NIGH

Here it finally is the major european leagues are coming to a close.

Those weekend widows will be grimaceing as they get their husbands back from the abyss for a few short weeks, possible divorce season begins as they get their husbands back for the weekends and weekday evenings and with no football to gaze upon they turn to point scoring with the wife.

Slanging chant matches like this will reign supreme:-

Husband; "Bitch...your shit and you know you are your shit and you know you are..."

Wife; "When your suitcased clothes hit the floor, and your arse hits the door, you're a goner."

Well football widows, have I got some great news, in this over attentive time where you find your other half depressed and watching you, expecting you to overhead kick his rolled up socks, well don't worry the world cup will be here very soon and you will be free widows again.

World Cup time will soon be here and here is my tipster, betters betting guide to filling your pockets with moolah, or as that ugly, genital wartfaced, muddled, mump cheeked twat on the advert says 'wonga'.

Things you can bet your house on -

- The winner of the golden boot will score over 4 goals.

- A form of hooliganism will happen, hopefully to thierry henrys cheating bastard arms.

- Some c**t in face paint will appear in a VT in the warm up or highlight real of any match televised.

- David Pleat and his obvious shit face crap one liners will turn up at somepoint making us want to self harm at the abuse he gets away with. Pleatism "And I 't' think brazil play 't' great football". Tell us something new you geriatric quiffed cock fringe.

- A commentator will give us facts on how great England played in 1966. Change the fucking record from side 'A' clichè to side 'B' How not to overrate ourselves.

- An historic war of nations will be mentioned in the tabloids to hype up a match.

- Somebody will mention a number of safety messages including South African HIV statistics....presumably more than once to serial cocksmiths John Terry and Ashley Cole.

- A number of cliché south african locality headlines may appear 'Cape-llo', 'Joe cole-hesburg' etc.

- A world class player will have an awful tournament.

Get your pockets ready to be filled.

Until next time. Nicht nicht.

Sportsocracy - 25th edition - Volcanos, clubs say travel no-nos but uefa say go-go

BOOOM.....KERRRASH....KERPLOW...INSERT CLICHE VOLCANIC SOUND...

"ARGGGGGH!" said one Icelandian as his vienetta started to melt due to a sufficient lava flow crashing through his log cabin kitchen.

Kerry Katona, ex-iceland food guzzler and serial breadcrumber, who was signing on at the time, was asked about the eruption, she said; "Ah avunt herd a slam lyyk that since ah last called Brian fer moore CSA moneh and he slammed phone doon on meh. Fat c***."

Nick Griffin, BNP archaeli failed to answer any questions in front of the camera. The goggle eyed anti christ allegedly released a press release stating :-

"Icelandic Volcanos? sounds like zee verk of zee jews. In addition I wear Y fronts and enjoy being oiled by hairy men. I have no further comments. Nein more questions...Heil Sommerville."

In sports news the volcanic swirling ash cloud from good old iceland (Yes they sell that now in packs of 6) was a volcanic pain in the arse halting all air travel meaning all the teams playing away that are left in European competitions had to make arduous journeys similar to that of Frodo in Lord of the rings.

Poor superstars eh? Travelling like the rest of us, oh no.

Do you think Gerrard and Torres got seats on the Virgin trains down to the eurostar? or did they sit on their luggage in the lay-by in between the carriages smelling the stale shit of the un-veiling toilet door everytime a seated person came out saying "Excuse me can I pass you please my croissant and coffee are waiting for me at my lovely table seat."

Of course they f***ing had seats. They make space for top level footballers and yet there are single mothers that I have witnessed who can't get a baby buggy on f***ing board due to overcrowding. We are a step away from the trains of the third world. Its only a matter of time before families are being balanced with picnics on their luggage sat surfing on the roof of a carriage singing come by yah. Thats right big corporate transport companies make sure the footballers travel comfortably while your main conned marks, us, the hardworking public, may as well be running behind the train in a flintstone car.

Branson it's a pickle and it's a worse pickle than a pair of cheesy socks left in very out of date piccalili for months on end.

Good luck football teams travelling that are playing in European competition I'm sure you will get there well on your gold plated train seats, your radio headphone connection and laptop wall sockets that actually work...

...swivel.

Sportsocracy - 24th edition - Sport? Here? Really?

Sport, sport, sport, sport, sport, sport, sport, sport, sport,sport, sport, sport, sport,sport, sport, sport, sport and more sport.

People either love it or hate it. Those who hate it are probably closet homosapien salivating sausage strokers, a member of a far right party with a googly eye with a frown for immigrants or those who just don't have a penis* (*Sorry if I insulted all the eunuchs, action men dolls and "male" Tory party members who follow this blog, i would like to add you do have the right to have a penis but I don't recommend you get it done in eastern Europe, madonna still has the scar where her right kidney was intercepted.)

Moving on, I quip Is me doing this blog a sport? I could contest it being a sport on the grounds that this can be excruciatingly boring like a shit Cricket match, when f*** all great happens in the latter pages of the newspapers.

Coincidentally I remember a taxi driver called Collin who drove me home from a pool match in recent years who repeatedly went on about the Indian Premier League being a safe haven for, and I will quote this dick taxi driver here, "Tax dodging, bastarding washed up players of world cricket and also shitting useless Indians that no other teams want, huh, Pakis and Indians are useless shits full stop...".

Well me being an anti-fascist decided to play a deadly game with this no brained obvious swastika hailing cock nose, so I responded with the on the spot witty retort "...Why didn't you say your taxi service was BNP approved..." to which thick bastard Collin the taxi driver said in a serious tone "BNP approved? Whats sauce got to do with it?"

Confused, I said "Sauce? BNP?....why are you a taxi driver again? Did you fail the audition for Quasimodo?"

Collin responded in a dull monotone "Quasimodo? I cant stand them types, hanging around public toilets and parks..."

After Collin the cabbie said that I gladly hoped that he knew how to drive and that he wasn't a mental case who gave his carers the slip.

I will always remember Collin...remember him as a colossal daft c**t.

Speaking of c**ts I see Robbie Savage has is own column in the sun now, too bad its not him in a column of concrete being rocketed to the sun by NASA.

Hes a great guy really, no wait I'm lying.

Sportsocracy - 23rd edition - Catalan got your tongue? well nevermind the basque-cocks

The build up worked it up; what a spectacle, a fantabulous event, at the pinnacle of the sport, "This could be the closest thing we could come to seeing artwork on a football pitch" said Gunners gaffer Arsene Wenger.

Arsenal versus Barça at the Emirates. The collosal, carefree, freeflowing footballing Catalan kings took to the pitch against the audacious, fluent, all passing, entertaining, exocets Arsenal.

The build up focussed on Barça the magic of Lionel Messi, with 8 goals in the 3 previous matches to this, he was "On fire" and "ready to gun down" the gunners, according to some red top news outlets.

Arsenal, meanwhile had William "Lacking match experience since coming back from injury" Gallas returning and also Cesc "Gunners fans lay alot of our hope and prayers on you" Fabregas back in the squad.

The match started, Barça dominated the ball possession and rarely lost the ball. When they did they tracked back or pressured the gunners and retained the ball immediately.

The first 20 minutes was about Barças attacking play against Manuel Almunia and the last ditch tackling of the Arsenal defence. Almunia made a string of world class saves, tipping wide a low early shot from Pedro and also a gilted chance for Xavi that Almunia saved at point blank range.

Messi also had a fierce shot at Almunia's goal, but it was comfortably collected. Arshavin then limped off early and on came Eboue. Arsenals most memorable chance of the first half came from a clever Samir Nasri shimmy at the left corner of the Barça box, but his shot flashed just wide of the far post.

Unbelievably the teams went in 0-0 at half time. This was the most entertaining first half of football I had seen since Martin O'Neils Celtic team pummelled rangers 6-2 (Back in the good old days when we had ghod, Henrik Larsson to rely on).

The 2nd half began. Gerard "Why did man u let him go" Pique played in Zlatan "Whos he? said david pleat" Ibrahimovic, who beat the Arsenal offside trap down the inside right channel, left Alexandre "better than Rigobert" Song for dead and lobbed the ball over the dispositioned Manuel "Jekyl and Hyde" Almunia.

That was Zlatans first goal against an English side in the champions league. He seemed "...so delighted, it was like ABBA winning eurovision all over again" allegedly said some swedish guy in the crowd, sven? Probably but not definately.

Well Zlatan went and did it again, scoring emphatically from the same channel, lashing the ball into the roof of the net leaving the 2nd half, not so world class Almunia statue-esque.

Arsenal looked out of it and Arsene looked ferociously concerned. Fabregas and Pique, for Arsenal and Barça respectively, received yellow cards putting them out of the next leg.

Wenger then played a wild card sub, Bacari Sagna off and Theo Walcott on. The dominating Barça even though attacking at a world class level, Wenger still spotted a weak jink in the catalans armour, left back Maxwell. Walcott went right midfield to go toe to toe with Maxwell with Eboue dropping to the Arsenal right back slot.

Theo, with England boss, Capello watching, began to tear into Maxwell. The Brazilian left back could not cope with Walcotts electric pace. It was only a matter of time before Theo broke free.

Nicholas "I'm going to be a danish prince" Bendtner played a through ball that past Maxwell in the right channel and like a rocket Walcott raced onto the ball and into the box and fired a low angled, placed shot to Valdes' right side and it crept under his palm and into the net.

Game on. Arsenal back in it at 2-1 down. Barça boss Sep Guardiola then brought on Thierry Henry to a rapturous applause, with Zlatan going off.

Barça then tried to retain the ball but wasted what possession they had, with no end product. Then the turning point Arsenal countered and broke free down the right flank Walcott and Eboue linked up and the ball went into the Barça box. Bendtner, just inside the centre of the 8 yard box, unmarked, cushioned a header to the well positioned Fabregas who was about to unleash a close range right footed volley but was felled by a rash Puyol challenge.

Penalty to Arsenal and Puyol sent off. Up stepped Cesc Fabregas to change the match. He dispatched the penalty injuring himself in the process. The fight back was complete 2-2. Cesc then played out the match for Arsenal limping until the final whistle. Final score of the first leg 2-2.

Key points - Messi was contained and kept quiet for the 90 as well, so congratulations to Arsenal on that. No Puyol or Pique for Barça in the 2nd leg and no Fabregas for Arsenal. Arsenal need a goal at the Nou Camp in the next leg, can they do it without Cesc?

The winner of the 2nd leg will be the immediate favourites to win the competition.

Sportsocracy - 22nd edition - Ch ch changes

Finally the Celtic board saw sense and got rid of Tony Mowbray. He was put up with for a long time by some fans whilst others just did not bother going to Celtic Park to watch the team play. Probably in protest to the fact he turned us into the defensively leaky West Brom outfit he led to relegation in the English Premier League.

Neil Lennon, now at the managerial helm at paradise, kicked off his reign with a pleasing 3-1 victory over Kilmarnock. The goals coming via a Robbie Keane brace and Scott Brown effort.

After the blood bath at St Mirren on wednesday night gone, any positive result would have been accepted with open arms by the Bhoys today. Long live the reign of Lennie, thats if the board don't find a cheaper waged manager. C'est la vie on Mowbrays era now it is time to look onward to a successful end to the Celts season.

In other football news, Arsenal drew with Birmingham 1-1, Nasri scoring for the Gunners and Kevin Phillips scoring a late stoppage time equiliser. Chelsea beat Aston Villa 7-1 with Lampard getting 4. Its amazing what Christine Bleakley can do to your form.

Sportsocracy - 21st edition - Heel not make it.

Wim, wam, bam and it is all over for Beckham.

That's it, capoot and for those of you who have been living in caves playing with your handycam, having fractioned thoughts of jihad or in the bushes at clapham common waiting for a very questionably leather clad affeminate male to approach you, i am on about David Beckham and the injury that has put him out of the world cup this summer.

Like a very curly haired man once said (for a band named after a very large betamax video player the size of a truck) Toploader, "Dancing in the moonlight everybodies feelin' warm and bright." In this case that has got f*** all to do with this, cos Becks wont be dancing for a long while, it's the other song that is out right appropriate, "My achilles heel...".

Yep Becks has knackered his achilles. Was it only me who thought any bird with her legs open was Becks achilles heel? If thats the case every time the Beckhams visit chester zoo, the night before they arrive, the Ornathalogical section is locked up by the staff like f***ing fort knox in the case scenario that Becks has the horn.

In all fairness he is a decent player, never a world class all rounder but has a world class delivery. It is time he let the raw talent take the england right midfield roll. He should retire and focus on something he may be good at like horse whispering, well hes had enough practise with posh. His next step should be to tame madonna because that one is a wild, harridon of a stray if he saddles that and whips its ass I think he would deserve a knighthood. Beckham the horse whisperer, i'm telling you neigh lies its the tr-hoof he would be great at it.

Sportsocracy - 20th edition - Reds pump AC

AC Milan have had a total nightmare at the theatre of dreams tonight.

Man United ran rampant, 4-0 on the night with a Rooney brace, a Park Ji Sung slider and a point blank range head from Fletcher.

I have never seen a thumping like this since that Polish bloke punched Leona Lewis, keep bleeding indeed. Brazilian, AC gaffer and ex-midfield ace, Leonardo, looked dejected at the final whistle. Well what do you expect when AC fuhrer Silvio Berlusconi lubes up his team sheet before every match and f***s it up?

At least AC and Man U fans had the grace and gratitude for David Beckham on the night, he came on to a great reception from the whole ground and did ok. He also received a rapturous applause at the final whistle as he sported a Newton Heath, trademark original green and yellow scarf. He put it around his neck as he left the pitch showing support for the Glazers out brigade.

I understand Man Uniteds pain with the Glazers. All them bastard sales calls all the time. I just say me windows are fine so feck off.

Spend, spend, spend and still no champions league crown. Yes thats right Real Madrid are out of the champions league. Lyon go through to the quarters. Real, with recent transfers have nearly spent more money than what Bill Gates has in pocket change. They deserve it to be honest and it just shows money doesn't buy you success. Maybe Ronaldo will be effing and blinding wishing he never left Old Trafford. I personally don't care much for him but gladly cheer him on when he plays against england. So until you play england Ronaldo, its a big HAHA to you.

In other sports news some old folks played bowls and the Deepdale Catheters beat the Lea Loose Bowels, they now go on to face the Callon Conservative Constipationers. Local sports, a lad kicked a can down his street scoring a double hat trick in a world cup final and finally some middle aged balded men rode some motorbikes on a sunday. Great two wheeled times when your in a crisis, especially when its midlife.

Not forgetting a word from our sponsors. Mud, men, sweat, tears, blood, bad backs, scrums, mauls, misplaced loofahs, moans, groans and lots of vaseline. Did you know Rugby now accepts heterosexual men as well.

Sportsocracy - 19th edition - Bendtner a load of Arsenal?

The last dane I saw who missed the spot was not in the big brother house recently with alex reid. It is Nicholas Bendtner who I am talking about, after he missed numerous chances against Burnley at the weekend, he must have felt like the niche market Pele was aiming at with his very memorable male genitalia dysfunction adverts.

He came back against Porto with a hatrick, who would have believed it, Gunners gaffer Arsene Wenger must have gave him some fire in his belly, or some verbal viagra to get him going again. Arsenal hammered Porto 5-0 and went through 6-1 on aggregate thanks to Bendtner, Eboue and co.

Just when Arsenal fans where starting to become frustrated with a front-line who have been constantly undermined by a mass goalscoring midfield, up pops the spikey haired party boy to give them something to cheer about but what has happened to Eduardo?. Ever since he took that "Trip" at Celtic park in the champions league qualifiers he has become some what invisible. With that quality under his belt maybe he has gone to audition for the next fantastic 4 movie? Who knows?.

So it is Arsenal through and Bayern Munich through as the German giants went through on away goals against Fiorentina. Its the quarter finals that now await the two sides.

The 'biggie', Hollywood encounter in the champions league is Man United versus AC Milan. Beckham returns to Old Trafford for a competitive match for the first time since he left. Its good that Posh lets him out to play football now and again but he does have to leave when he is called in by Posh for his tea though.

I forgot to mention Tiger Woods apology to us and the world media as well. You would have thought with Mr Verile spreading it around a bit they would took a punt on asking him if hes interested in impregnanting a panda or two. Would have been worth a punt because I'm sure the pandas are getting sick of Dean Gaffney being thrown in with them. The Gaffs face is enough to put anybody off the 'jumping' for life.

The Formula 1 season is nigh. With Schumacher, Button, Hamilton and Alonso all racing it out to be the world champion, with racing in mind, recently racing legend Stirling Moss had an accident when he fell down a shaft, first Max Mosely, now this. Poor Stirling broke both ankles so we wish him 'well'.

...and finally ending with the Rugby news.

It's still shit.

See you next time for another spacious spatula full of sportive shittery. Ciao.

Sportsocracy - 18th edition - Pharoah time for terry

Here we are again with another thrilling, encapsulating, sensationally abusive encounter.

A couple of months back I heard J.T. had been suffering with a cold and flu bug. The doctor told him to lay down a lot, have lots of liquids, the doctor strongly recommended rest and have a go at the pro biotic Benecol. The thing is John wasn't listening and thought the Doc said Peroncel.

Ah well Wayne he might have boned your Mrs Vanessa Peroncel but its not as bad as having Craig Bellamy and Carlos Tevez raping you all of the pitch for 90 minutes at the weekend like two mutant jack russels on heat, go on city 4-2 win at the bridge.

See you next time....

Sportsocracy - 17th edition - The frosty olympiad

Wooohoo it's like the normal olympics but on ice and snow.

In particularly I have been watching the frosted fallic vestibules shooting down a gaping pipe at 143kmh plus, yeah what a great idea, not only does it sound like a weekend with katie price, it was quite hilarious, ironically like prices botox filled face.

The numerous bobsledding crash fest was the absolute focus of most of my laughing. Not only was the track tainted with a Georgian atheletes death, but it was made ultimately ironic that most of the crashes have took place on turn 13. I am ignorant enough to not even ponder the stage where irony and coincidence collide, its irony OK.

I also pondered how did a Georgian athlete get involved anyway, did he arrive in a time machine? I didn't know the IOC condemned athletes from different era's competing, what next a cretacious curling contest, "Oh and what a great shot by the scot, now its the oppositions play, oh and look at that...the T-rex has just tore his ***king head off and the gold medal is his, that shows tyranny wins everytime folks."

I have come to the conclusion that the winter olympics are just an excuse for a load of superior-ly balanced canadians and scandinavians to swish about in lycra polishing their helmets.

Whilst I on the other hand ***king struggle to put a pair of ice skates on and the fact that I would look like a human haggis if I put a lycra suit on.

What a waste of money it is, plus its weight-ist. I have not once seen a winter athlete/olympian of a shotput, hammerthrowing proportion participating, which is my point exactly.

I have found it to be greatly funny, even funnier than that twit faced bridget jones lookalike michael mcintyre. So with that point in mind, I will let my comments slide.

Sportsocracy - 16th edition - It's back, what did I miss.

Yes finally it is back. Sportsocracy is here again, like a phoenix from the flames it returns, ok you get the picture.

Time goes fast, things change, so what have I missed reporting on? Here is a selection of events I missed witting about -

Tiger Woods winning lots of golf open events etc, typical I know but then allegedly acting like Glen Quagmire with a few females whilst touring the globe to numerous open courses, not good (if he did), but all the same he's a great golfer and he goes on polishing his balls for skins match ups, giggity.

Andy Murray, winning lots of tennis matches, a top 3 world ranking but still no grand slam. Andy allegedly said; "I've had lots of grand slams." but when asked "We mean In tennis Andy?" he replied "Umm ah no, I thought you meant with Edinburgh women".

Wayne Rooney, so far has scored 21 league goals this season for Man United, if we totalled it up for all competitions do you think he would add 1 on his tally for the recent birth of his son, because it's obvious he scored at some point 9 months previous to that. At the birth when the doctor said the baby is breaching, do you think wayne asked "Ee-ah laah is that something to do with the offside rule?"

Adrian Mutu was also reported in the media that he was in the turmoil of another drugs scandal. Poor Adrian, great footballer, has previous associations with drugs and got a hefty 8 figure fine you would have thought he would have learned his lesson, but according to the media, the bastians of worldly truth, he has allegedly done drugs again. Well What do you expect if you give someone an estimated £15million pound fine, its either get pissed or get high for a few hours for the escapism factor. Good luck Adrian.

Phil Taylor won lots of darts events including the PDC world championship. John Higgins became world snooker champion again, hail hail John. Barca won the champions league. Celtic signed Robbie Keane, what a coup.

The world cup qualifiers went well, really, really well. FIFA changed the rules to favour the seeded teams halfway through qualification. Then contradicted their own fair play rules. France vs Ireland + Thierry Henry handballing = a tainted, cheating victory, that FIFA frowned upon but didn't do anything about because of marketing purposes, because probably to them a world cup without France would but universally affecting. I personally do not believe the aftermath was all covered up conspiracy like, *COUGH* french golden boy Platini high up in UEFA*COUGH*, gone a little cheval, ironically, does anyone have any benelin?

So Sportsocracy is back, outrageous, shocking, informative and the rest. Until next time, keep sporting and look out for number 17 coming soon.

Sportsocracy - 15th Edition - Part 3 - Some Top goals: Possibly of all time - Video clip special - Moments of sheer individual skill

Now the word "Genius" is thrown about in football far too much and far too easily. I personally use it alongside football when an absolute football genius shows us why he deserves this accolade. Here are some moments of sheer individual skill alongside some great goals.

The name Ronaldo is attached nowadays with Manchester United portuguese winger Cristiano, but back in the day the name Ronaldo held serious fear for all defences worldwide. It was not Cristiano who they feared it was the original Ronaldo of football, a Brazilian with so much tremendous pace, power and skill, some say he was better than any striker who came before him. I used to Idolize this guy as a child. For those who have not seen this guy in his prime, here are 7 minutes of him in his element. Two words "Absolute Genius" : -

A lot of people are quick to single out Maradona for his involvement with scandalous events. One especially stands out, "The hand of god" against England in World Cup 1986. Nobody can doubt his controversial side, but one half of this next video is proof of what he can do with the ball at his feet, fairly. Maradona and Lionel Messi are two names which fall side by side easily. Argentinian, strikers and both phenomenal players, past and present. Here is a special video clip of Maradona's solo effort against England in World Cup 1986 mirrored with Lionel Messi's wonder goal against Getafe in La Liga. The similarities between the two videos are almost symmetrically un-believable. Lionel Messi, Maradona part 2? : -

Heres another Brazilian wonder goal, again heres Ronaldinho writing himself some history. He scored this in an "El Classico" encounter against Real Madrid. From my recollection Barcelona ran outright winners with Ronaldinho tormenting Real Madrids defence all match. It is the best footage of the goal I could find. All I can say is just watch an enjoy : -

Now for the final video of this section for "Moments of sheer individual skill". Ruud Van Nistelrooy a dutch predator. He is a player who notches at least 20 goals a season when he is not injured. He scores alot of tap ins and finishes alot of one on one situations against many goalkeepers with a goal. Heres Ruud Van Nistelrooy in his Manchester United days making Fulham look like a sunday league side : -

Im unsure where this video goal-fest is heading? Could it be the end? Oh wait a second, news just in. One more goal to finish this magical individual session off. How could I miss this man out. The belfast boy, George Best. Just watch this goal as Besty shows the Americans how dribbling then scoring can be a-b-c easier than 1-2-3 : -

Now thats what I call moments of sheer individual skill. Done. Next time on Sportsocracy - More goals, more outrageous-ness, more viva le France from Le King and some lobs from heaven. Until next time keep on sporting.

Sportsocracy - 15th Edition - Part 2 - Some Top goals: Possibly of all time - Video clip special - World Class Headers.

Lets get straight to the point, we have all seen World Class goals at the feet of legends but what about headers? Heading is a technique not all players have in their artillery. Only some have the perfect technique to generate full power and accuracy. Here are some of the greatest ever headers, some bullets, but all of which are brilliantly headed goals.

Into the starting blocks with a couple of favourites of mine. UEFA cup final, Celtic versus Porto, 2003. Henrik Larsson shows what a special player he is with two out of this world headed goals.Here is the first of his two goals, cross courtesy of flying french man Didier Agathe, look at Larsson as he gets hang time like Michael Jordan, and the angle is so acute its actually unbelievable this goes in, enjoy -



Larsson's second came from a textbook Alan Thompson corner. Again if you want to see perfect heading technique just sit back and watch, oh and again witness the airtime this guys gets. Air Jordan? Air Larsson more like -



Now for Jared Borgetti. On the world stage with millions of people watching it can only be breathtaking to witness a brilliantly headed goal such as this especially when it is against Italy in 2002 at the Korea/Japan World cup -



The next special bonce bouncerific goal came from Pole come German, Miroslav Klose. Set the scene, World Cup 2006. Germany trail Argentina 1-0 with the clock just at over 79 minutes. German fans are starting to face the facts that they maybe heading out of the world cup. Argentina were holding fort with some typical great Argentine defending. Just as German heads started to go down, out of nothing came this -



How could I not mention Zinedine Zidane? He maybe mentioned more than once or twice throughout this compendium of videos I have in store for you and it breaks my heart as a fan of Brazilian football to include this video. The day the french revolution gave European Football a place on the world stage and also a day where Brazil showed they are not immortal. Proof Zidane was a complete player, he even scored headers -



Set the stage once again Place - Madrid Date - 5 April 1989 Real Madrid versus AC Milan. Goliaths collide, behemoths battle titans tussle. You get the picture. Mr Van Basten shows us how class he was. With his head -



Next up on the video special. Moments of sheer individual genius perhaps, or could it be out of this world team goals. Who knows stay focused keep your eyes peeled for the next part of this video-palooza.

Sportsocracy - 15th Edition - Part 1 - Some Top goals: Possibly of all time - Video clip special - the warm up session.

The time has finally come for a video special. I believe the following goals coming up in the next couple of posts are some of the best I have ever seen, and remember this is just the warm up -

Acrobatic goal - Bicycle Kicks

Trevor Sinclair for QPR - This is one of the many reasons why this premier league stalwart is a premier league legend.

Rivaldo for Barca - Witness one of the best ever players to grace the field. Valencia are dumbfounded as Rivaldo conjours some magic with this one.

Djorkaeff for inter - Good old Youri, ended his premier league days at Bolton and went to America. This is why Youri goes down as one of the major talents ever to grace the French national team and world football.

Ronaldinho overhead kick versus Villareal - Anybody want proof that this man wasn't human in his prime?? The physics go straight out of the window with this one.

And this was just the warm up session? You want more?

Well I have a whole epitoire of goal scoring beauties for you in part 2 including faboulous headers, rockets from long range and incredible acts of individual brilliance. Until next time....feel free to comment and make YOUR favourite goals of all time known and they may be included in part 2 of this extended video special of Sportsocracy.

Sportsocracy - 14th Edition - The window slams shut.

I was greeted to numerous headlines recently full of shock horror and shear amazement. The Chelsea touted, ex-Real Madrid superstar that is Robinho signed for no other than, and wait for this, let the suspense build, he signed for no other team than Manchester City.

I can almost hear the echoes of most peoples comments right now - "MAN CITY? YOUR HAVIN' A LAUGH ARN'T YA?". It sounds so wrong but yet it is so right.

Robinho is one of the most coveted and sought after talents in world football after Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi. He obviously has the choice of world clubs to move to but it was possibly the ultra money motivated deal from Man City that moved him from the Santiago Bernabau.

The blues line up will revolve more than surely around the Brazilian internationalist. Mark Hughes will do his best to make the most of Robinho's superb attacking talent and will build his team around him feeding the ball to his feet to do damage to all on comers.

A 32 million pound plus deal from City made the move possible. This was in the light of a takeover from Saudi Arabian company Abu Dhabi United. One radio station reported Man City had been took over by United, and I thought initially Man United had bought them out to my utter shock horror, but it clearly was not the case.

The Brazilian knows he will still have to perform highly on the pitch. He may well have his work cut out as he now does not have the services of Robben, Van Der Vaart, Diarra and Wesley Sneijder to cut out and create for him.

He now has Martin Petrov, Dietmar Hamann, Vincent Kompany, and Elano to supply the killer passes and to also stem the opposition. It is a totally different ball game now for Robinho. He has one hell of a challenge on his hands and a lot to prove.

Positively he will settle at Man City with his Brazilian international team mates, Jo and Elano who are already mainstays in the City first team. This could have also been a swinging factor as of why he chose Man City.

It is a very exciting time to be a "Blue Moon" singer. If you’re a blue you must be over the moon by now. Ok you may have lost a brilliant wing back in Vedran Corluka but the buys of Shaun Wright-Philips, Zabaleta and Robinho would please any fan.

From my detection I think Mark Hughes will be playing very entertaining football with the squad he has in his grasp. Full of flair, creativity and also power. Now the only thing Man City lack is an out and out proven world class goalkeeper.

They have a great but not perfect team now, this is how a city starting line up could look -

Joe Hart

Micah Richards

Richard Dunne
Vincent Kompany

Pablo Zabaleta

Dietmar Hamann
Elano

Martin Petrov


Shaun Wright-Philips

Robinho
Jo

Surrounding the Robinho deal the Abu Dhabi United group have also made it known that they will be setting their sights high on dominating not just the premiership but european football.

They have let it be known that they will target Cesc Fabregas, Cristiano Ronaldo, Fernando Torres, Buffon, Brazilian Ronaldo and a whole load of world class stars. After January the line up could look like this -


Ginaluigi Buffon

Micah Richards

Richard Dunne
Vincent Kompany

Pablo Zabaleta

Francesc Fabregas
Elano

Martin Petrov


Cristiano Ronaldo

Robinho

Ronaldo or Fernando Torres or Jo

Shaun Wright-philips could be possibly frozen out at another club come january. He is an obvious talent but a lot of city’s current players may now feel they are surplus to requirements. Stephen Ireland, Michael Johnson, Daniel Sturridge and a lot of the youths pushing for first team action may be let go for more technique astound players from foreign youth set ups.

Joe Hart, City goalie, he is another obvious talent. He is going to be a great goalkeeper and definitely premiership standard but it is a possibility he may be let go for a household name.

Robinho is surely the first of many world class signings to come. The Brazilian is a signing which certainly has put Manchester City on the global market and shocked most of the footballing world.

Robinho is just for starters who knows who they will target next?? Kaka??? Lionel Messi??? Iker Casillas???

I am unsure if every player has a price when loyalty is involved but I am certain that Man City’s spending is far from over yet and they will create a legacy if Mark Hughes can handle all the dressing room ego's.

Sportsocracy - 14th Edition - Olympics hit by lightening Bolt.

I am finally back. After a holiday in Scotland in the highlands I am refreshed and ready to take the sporting world by the horns again.

Now the Olympics is pushing towards a close with the BBC pundits seemingly pointing towards 2012 rather than focusing on whats happening now. Now I'm not sure but could the BBC be plugging for viewers already. I don't know but Sue Barker seemed to be constantly mentioning it.

Even though I have been away, I have kept a focussed eye on the Olympics. The Olympics 2008 will not be known for its ultra new wave Chinese theme as well as Chinese event medal dominance this Olympics will be known for one man.

Usain Bolt. The Jamaican sprinter simply stole the whole show. Irony surrounds his surname, but its true this guy just penned the definition for the phrase "Fast as lightening". This boy is literally the fastest man over 100 and 200 metres on the whole planet.

First of all he broke his own world record in the 100 metres final. The moment of all moments, when all the world is watching, he decides to be faster than ever 9.69 seconds for 100 metres. The thing is I am not sure even if Usain knows what he is capable of, he slowed down before he even reached the line.

Picture this, this sprinter possibly has not even peaked yet, I believe he can go faster than that over 100 metres easily. He enjoys what he does, he show boats because he knows what he can do, he entertains the fans, he breaks world records, he does what he is supposed to do like every great before him.

Maurice Green was the same, he was cocky as hell and dominated the event for years. He entertained and we knew if he was racing we would get what we came to witness, a man running 100 metres below 10 seconds.

Usain is the same hes like every other professional on the planet, he makes what he does so easy, like a breath of fresh air, he falls into the category of making something so hard look ever so simple (Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan, Roger Federer, Wayne Gretzsky).

Not only did Usain Bolt take the 100 metres world record he took the 200 metres as well. The previous 200 metres record originally recorded at the Atlanta Olympics in 1992 was took by Michael Johnson in a time of 19.32 seconds.

Michael Johnson was in the BBC studio as he watched on as Usain Bolt took to the starting blocks for the 200 metres final. A short time of 19.30 seconds later and Bolt was a gold medallist again. Johnson watched on as his 12 year record was finally broke.

A record which could have easily stood for another 12 years was smashed to smithereens by Usain, and Johnson could only congratulate such an athlete on his success.

Bolt was still hungry for more gold. With the 100 and 200 metres gold medals safe Bolt still had the fire in his stomach and determination for one last race, the 4x100 metres relay.

37.10 seconds later and another world record was smashed again. The final leg was run by former 100 metre world record holder, Asafa Powell. He received the baton from Bolt who ran a brilliant hundred and Powell powered Jamaica to a world record and the gold.

Usain Bolt is the first man since Carl Lewis in 1984 to win the 100, 200 and 4x100 metres in a single Olympics.

The question is I don't think Bolt has finished yet. This boy was put on this planet to raise the bar even higher and that he will do.

Next time - See my top ten goals of all time. Video special.

Sportsocracy - 13th Edition - Part 2 - Wimbledon review finale and the top 10 sports topics today.

Slowly but surely due to a few rain delays and thunderstorms here and there we finally got to the final. Nadal and Federer totally apart in the two separate halfs of the draw beat every opponent put in front of them.

Nadal brushed aside Scotlands own top ten ranked player Andy Murray on his path to the final. Federer took apart well established tennis name Marit Safin easily also. The two where both on form but Nadal seemed to have a desire like none seen before at Wimbledon.

Passion oozed from his game, his serve was looking better than ever, his shot choices and in rally positioning was over exceptional, he looked the part.

Federer looked his usual calm, collected self. Typically making every win look easy, making every tough shot look like a breath of fresh air. Federer even though with already 12 grand slams under his belt, he wanted his 13th so badly.

The Fed express wanted his 13th grand slam so badly because this would put him 1 grand slam victory behind the record set by the great Pete Sampras with a record of 14 grand slam wins.

Both competitors had fire in their bellies and a high will to win. In addition Federer vs Nadal has slowly become a fued more established than the one like McEnroe and Borg used to have in the 70s/80s. Realistically this final was shaping up to be the most entertaining final ever.

The players walked out onto centre court to a mob-like roar and a rhapsody of cheers. The crowds appreciation seemed partizan. Half for Rafa, half for Fed but the look of determination on each mans face said it all.

Ultimate focus, both looking aggressive and uber-concentrated on the battle ahead. Centre court seemed more like a gladatorial arena, a coliseum of sheer calibrated class.

The hardcore Tennis fans were screaming in delight as the two Tennis titans got up from their seats. The stage was set and the final of all Tennis finals was about to begin. The Grandest of slams, the mens singles final at Wimbledon was about to be decided.

The number 1 seed against the number 2 seed, commenced.

Federer took a 4-1 lead then came the textbook Wimbledon downpour. After a short rain delay they came back out onto court. Then Nadal came out of the starting blocks like a rocket fuelled missile, he quickly overcame Federer’s early 4-1 lead to take the first set 6-4.

Then Nadal took the second set in succession with another 6-4 set win. Then came the third set and it soon was evens honoured with both players levelled at 3 games each. Dark rain clouds seemed to gobble up the panoramic distance of the BBC camera shot near Wimbledon. Federer, like all great champions, seemed to clamber his way out of a hole.

The Fed express then hit five straight points at Rafa, stopping Nadal going 4-3 in the lead and heading towards victory. Rafa then held his serve and so did Fed, As the rain began to fall and the court covers came out. The two Tennis titans where held in the third set with Federer taking a 5-4 lead, with Rafa two sets up.

Two rain delays and only just over 2 hours and a quarter into the final. It was looking as if this time the fans where going to have to wait to get their moneys worth. With no Cliff Richard to entertain the crowd the fans pleased themselves. Jimmy Tarbuck and Bruce Forsyth did show face and managed to get a few laughs out of a short BBC interview. Forsyth was on top form spouting off his typical household kareoke-cathphrases.

The rain stopped, to be honest it was nice to see them to see them nice after an 80 minute delay, when Federer and Nadal came back out onto centre court. The third set, was set up to be a stunner. With both men serving to perfection, it was soon at 6-6 each, which pushed the third set into a tie breaker. Federer showed his tie breaking class with a solid 7-5 win in the tie breaker. It was now 2 sets to 1 with Federer comfortably back in the driving seat

The world number 1 was on fight back mode when the 4th set stormed into another tie breaker. The atmosphere in the centre court crowd was electric, the vocal mixing pot producing a song of rafa-fed, fed-rafa chants as the 4th set hit a tie breaker. Rafa produced some stunning Tennis but it was Roger who stole the tie breaker, stopping two Nadal match points at 7-6 to go on to win 8-10.

An awestruck Nadal could not believe the fight back but as we all know Federer can play some superhuman Tennis and it showed. The Tennis titans were now locked at 2 sets each.The Wimbledon fans, the fans sat at home watching, the fans tuning into the radio, the fans watching on the internet all of which where about to be treated to a 5th and final set. The deciding set got underway.

The start of the 5th set was tense the buzz around the court could be felt even by the voyeurs at home. The Tennis behemoths battled back and fourth each taking their service game, at 2-2 in the 5th set touching 8pm down came the rain and again the court covers came out. Watching this myself I asked is this going to ever finish? Could this be the final of finals that just keeps going on and on due to the constant rain delays? One thing I did know was that it was not going to rain forever.

After a 30 minute drizzling downpour the sun partially came out again. The players came back out onto court. The Tennis leviathans then played out a massive 16 games against each other. In the 5th and final set no tiebreakers are allowed so this time a tie breaker could not save Federer.

As the sun began to set, and the evening haze began to linger, and the children watching in the crowd began to yawn as it was past their bedtimes, Rafa and Roger seemed all square at 7 games each. You could feel the hunger from Nadal, you could see it in his eyes.

The cliched saying "Eye of the tiger" came to mind. Nadal looked fierce and focussed. He knew he could take this from Federer and for the first time I could see the fear in Fed's face, I could see his disbelief that Nadal had matched him, shot for shot for the first time on another surface other than clay. Nadal had more in the tank and his aggression fuelled that even higher.

Grass had always been Federer’s "hood" as such; he ruled the roost on Grass but was this about to be changed? Was Federer’s beautiful record at Wimbledon about to be broke and shattered into pieces? It seemed in Nadal’s hands.

The match was tied in the final set on 7 matches each. Federer went on to stop 3 Nadal break points but Federer now looked drained, he looked like he had not much left to give. Nadal landed a massive blow when an unforced Federer error gave Nadal a match lead of 8-7. Nadal now had to serve out for the championship.

Rafas service started. He rifled one in which pummelled Federer, and another and another. Rafa had now got championship point on his hands, a chance to gain the holy grail of Tennis, the Wimbledon title which has settled in Roger Federer’s hands for too long. Nadal served then followed his serve in to volley back but Roger moved in and hit a simple forehand into the net. Nadal broke down and fell to the ground in ecstacy, he had stopped the rot, he had stopped the Fed Express in his Wimbledon "backyard" and he was the new Wimbledon men’s singles Champion.

The 22-year-old powerhouse won 6-4 6-4 6-7 (5-7) 6-7 (8-10) 9-7 to become the first Spanish man since Manuel Santana in 1966 to win a Wimbledon singles title. Nadal is also the first player since 1980 to hold both the French Open and Wimbledon men’s singles titles back to back. The last player to do this was legendary Tennis leviathan Bjorn Borg. To put this into perspective Rafa's achievements this year have put him in the record books at the side of Tennis Gods. Is this the start of the reign of Rafa? Could he now be the dominant force in Tennis? Is Roger Federer’s era over?

I think we will see a Federer fight back, he will come back better than ever. I don’t expect that this will be the last time we will see Federer against Nadal, this feud is only just warming up.

With Wimbledon all done and dusted its now back to normality and present day here is a review of some important sports news in "Sports Bullets of the week" -

1 - Football, Cristiano Ronaldos move to Real Madrid may have been put on hold and Real Madrid attention may now have turned to Arsenals midfield maestro Cesc Fabregas.

2 - Football, Aston Villa defender Wilfred Bouma suffered a horrendous ankle break in the Intertoto cup win against Odense, he is set to miss at least the first quarter of the season.

3 - Cycling, Spaniard, Carlos Sastre seals his first Tour de France title.

4 - Tennis, Its two in a row for Nadal, Rafael Nadal continued his march towards the world number one spot by winning the Toronto Masters.

5 - Boxing, Mexican Antonio Margarito beats Miguel Cotto and becomes the WBA welterweight champion by chopping down the Puerto Rican in the 11th round.

6 - After injuring his hand, Joe Calzaghe believes his fight with Roy Jones Jr will now happen on the 8th of November.

7 - Snooker, Ronnie O'Sullivan has been fined and docked some ranking points as punishment for his rash comments at the China Open in March.

8 - Athletics, Jamaican Usain Bolt warms up for the Olympics by winning the 200m at the London Grand Prix in 19.76 seconds.

9 - Darts, Phil Taylor claims the Stan James World Matchplay title in Blackpool beating defending champion James Wade in a 18-9 victory.

10 - American sports, NFL legend Brett Favre confirms he has changed his mind over retiring and wants to continue a career in American Football.

That’s all for now folks and here is my final thought Fifa President, Sepp Blatter says the funniest of things and undermines Michel Platini all the time, but from my view he seems more like a comedian than a president.

Next time – Blatterisms, the crap Sepp Blatter splatters from his chops and more sports news.

Sportsocracy - 13th Edition - Part 1 - Euro 2008 final round up and Wimbledon a review begins.

It is un-believable how a series of things you look forward to pass you like the speed of light, or the speed of Louis Hamilton winning the British Grand Prix, Which ever one liner you prefer is upto you.

The European Football Championships 2008 all over with for another 2 years and Wimbledon aka SW 19 done for another year, case of two down and one major to go, The Beijing Olympics, woohoo, but all the reviewing mullarkey for that is yet to come.

Just like that, two of the years major sporting events flew by. Firstly the European Championships was a brilliant staged event and a great final topped it all off. It was Germany versus Spain, winner takes all to become the Champions of Europe.

The tall, strong, powerful, collosal football team that is drowned in history and silverware, Germany. The Germans who contain very little world class talent against the technically gifted, dribbling wizardry and pinpoint passing play of Spain, which in addition have world class players in abundance, but very little prominance on the silverware side of things, lets say the Spanish Trophy cabinet possibly has more dust than trophies.

Germany, who looked defensively shaky throughout the whole tournament, especially in the 3-2 win against Turkey, showed they could again make an embarressment of themselves with another defensive blunder.

This time the tournament goal drought ended for the one and only, KOP legend to be, Fernando Torres. He broke through the German defence like a hot bread knife through butter, turned the wing back of the tournament Philip Lahm easily, near the right side of the german box and shrugged him off with pace and power and chipped-placed a shot over the encroching Jens Lehmann. The ball settled into the back of the net to German woes.

Germany never looked to be in the final to win it. It seemed though they took a look at the Spanish before hand and gave in before Kick Off. Spain won 1-0 but they fought the Germans and the Germans tried to fight back but the match was won in the midfield battle and the German fight back was stopped before they even got a chance.

The German midfielders Torsten Frings and Michael Ballack could not keep up with the wit and cleverness of the movements of Xavi, Iniesta and Senna.

Marcos Senna was the stalwart for the Spanish, he was a player who showed his true class. He gave us a "how to" with his calm, experienced defensive midfielding. He broke up the German play and even un-characteristically made bounds forwards and almost scored himself.

UEFA gave the player of the tournament to Xavi Hernandez but for me it was Marcos Senna who was the world class talent who made me want to watch. My player of the tournament Spain and Villareals midfield maestro, Marcos Senna.

That night 44 years of hurt stopped, the wounds finally cast over, no scars in sight, no talk of past spanish forgotten wann-a-be heroes who never proved themselves, the talk was of 2008 and how a team of Spanish warriors put their names into Spanish footballing folklore of how they won the European Championships. It has been 44 years in the making and Spain deserve every accolade they get. True Champions, great football and deserving winners.

If that was not enough for Spain, all the partying and celebrations had to be put on hold when another Spanish victory could be in foresight. Wimbledon was on the horizon, and taking the weight of Spain on his shoulders was Rafael Nadal, the world number 2 and Wimbledon number 2 seed.

Rafa, the clay court specialist and a constant thorn in consummate world number 1 Roger Federers side, knew this year was his best chance of taking the crown from the form slipping Federer.

In 2008 the media highlighted the fact that Roger Federers form started to dwindle slightly. He was beat off Mardy Fish, Andy Murray, Andy Roddick and Rafa himself in the French Open.

Federers 2008 upto Wimbledon in some senses was a nightmare. He suffered a few slight injury setbacks and also had sickness on a few occaisions even though some of these problems persisted for a short while, Roger still battled on and played through the barriers to compete.

Rogers never say die attitude led him to his 12th Grand Slam victory at the US Open, in tears has he took the trophy from one of his Tennis idols Rod Laver. The victory put him 2 behind Pete Sampras's record of 14. Fed knew if he won Wimbledon it would be his 13th Grand Slam victory putting him one Grand Slam away from equalling Pistol Petes record and two away from making the record his own.

Nadal on the other hand still wanted to grasp hold of his first Wimbledon crown and his first Grand Slam win off a clay court. His life ambition is to win it and all he had to do was beat the superhuman figure of Roger Federer on Feds favourite surface, at Feds favourite tournament.

To be Continued...

Next time see part 2 of the Wimbledon review, see more sports news including football transfer gossip, and also watch out in the near future for new sports quote daily which will be seen in one of the side columns, also soon to come interviews with local sports faces.